Friend-zone is the most dreaded zone of all. It happens when one person wants to be in a relationship and the other wants to be just friends. It’s a guy’s worst nightmare.
This usually happens to the nice guys, also called as ’emotional absorbents’. They are too helpful and do not expect anything in return. And this is not good for a relationship, where everything must be balanced and mutual. This might happen to girls too, but that is very rare.
There are many mistakes that boys do that will land them in a friend-zone. You cannot fully blame a girl for that. Don’t believe that friendships can blossom into love like you see in romantic movies. This happens very rarely if not never, and it happens only if they have mutual interests and aspirations.
One thing you gotta remember is that humans are always attracted towards what they can’t have. They need challenge. If you are too easy, no one will be interested in you. Put some thought into this and you will understand how people end up in the friend-zone.
Here are some tips that you can follow to keep yourself safely out of the friend-zone.
MAKE YOUR INTENTIONS CLEAR
Always make your intentions clear. One of the main reasons you land in the friend-zone is because you don’t let her know your true feelings. Be straightforward. Just tell her how you feel.
Don’t act too much like a friend. When you start seeing a girl make it clear that you want to be more than a friend. Some guys don’t ask her out, because they are scared of rejection. But it’s better getting rejected when you are not in the friend-zone. If you think that she will return your feelings someday, you are digging your own grave. If she was really interested in you, she would have already shown some indication by know. Once you are in the friend-zone, it’s almost impossible to turn back, or to turn it into a relationship.
Flirting is also very important when it comes to developing a relationship. You need to create a chemistry. Show that you are into her. Look into her eyes and tell her how beautiful she looks. Brushing a strand of hair behind her ears or small things like that, but don’t go overboard.
DON’T BE HER “GIRLFRIEND”
What I’m trying to say is, don’t get too close to her even before you have shared a kiss at the very least. The more you get to know her, the more likelier you will end up in the dreaded ‘Friend-zone’.
If she is trying to share her guy problems with you, then you are already in the threshold of friend-zone. And if you are thinking that you will end up her boyfriend by solving all her problems, you are dead wrong. You are on the fast lane of the highway towards friend-zone.
DON’T BE TOO OPEN
There are some things you are not supposed to share with her if you are trying to be her boyfriend. Avoid topics like her crush, her ex boyfriends etc. Stuff that is too personal to be shared with anyone but her girlfriends. If you discuss this kinda stuff with her, you are digging your own grave. You can never be both her BFF and her boyfriend at the same time, no matter what bullshit memes you see on the internet or whatever romantic movies you watch. The real world doesn’t work that way. Your brain doesn’t work that way. There needs to be a mystery in relationship. She shouldn’t know every little detail about you.
DON’T BE OVERLY HELPFUL
If you have still not asked her out on a date, and you are buying her things and listening to her problems, then you will probably end up in the friend-zone. You can’t be too nice, making all the sacrifices, making it too easy for the other person. You will be taken for granted and trust me. That doesn’t work well in a relationship.
By doing everything yourself, you are not even giving them a chance to fall in love with you. When you do all the investing, you will feel that the other person is valuable and hence you will start loving that person. But the other person at the receiving end doesn’t feel anything, because they feel like they don’t need to invest anything in you and hence you don’t hold a great value in their eyes and they will end up taking you for granted.
I’m not telling you to be dead cold. What I’m trying to say is keep it on the down low. Help her sometimes, when she is really in need, but don’t overdo it. If you act like a pushover, she might keep you around as a friend for convenience, but you can never be her boyfriend. Nobody wants to date a doormat. Thus, equal effort should be made by both sides for a successful relationship.
BEWARE THE FRIEND-ZONERS
Friend-zoners are similar to gold diggers. They are “trained professionals” when it comes to friend-zoning. A friend-zoner will bait boys by acting like they are interested in him. All she wants is his attention. She keeps you around only for her own convenience.
An easy way of recognizing a friend-zoner is, she will always come running to you when she is in need and you will do everything she asks, but she won’t be there for you in time of your need. She will always give some reason when you ask for help. She will cleverly avoid leading you on and will show only a little attention that will make you believe that you have chance, keeping you around like pet or a maid. This is worse than being friend-zoned. If you are getting nowhere in the relationship and if she doesn’t give you the same attention that you give her, then you have been zoned.
DON’T BE TOO AVAILABLE
Let her believe that you have more important work to do. Don’t jump and rush to reply every time you hear her message ringtone. Take your time. Let her know that you can’t always be there for her. Let her believe that you can have choices.
And don’t try to please her all the time, by agreeing to everything she says. There must be a balance. If it’s one sided, then your relationship days are numbered. Don’t think that by agreeing to everything she says, you will be able to impress her. Be yourself. And never agree with her when she is being unreasonable. Always keep a balance. If she decides something this time, then you must make the decision next time.
Keep some alone time, just for yourself. Make plans without her. Have some creative hobbies. It will add to your value. Try to be a little ‘hard to get’. The more unavailable you are, the more valuable you seem. But don’t be completely “invisible” all the time. Be available when she really needs you. Try to inconvenience your partner once in a while.
One of the reasons for being friend-zoned might be that she is high above your league, in which case these tips do not help much. My only advice is for you to concentrate on your career. Show her that you can have a future. Then you might have a chance.
And there are some of you who will say “I don’t need some stupid rules to govern my love life”. Wait till you are in a real relationship, then you will know that relationship is a game, needed to be played with certain rules. “Know the game or be played”.
(P.S. These rules are useful only to ensure that you don’t end up in the friend-zone. Don’t follow these rules once you are in a real relationship or if the friendship is mutual and you like being friends with her)